***this post is a re-publish from a previous blog I had that had only this one lonesome post***In a diznee movie everything that sucks for the main character gets all better and wrapped up with a shiny bow so that they can live their life "happily ever after". I wish I could count on that but alas life has not always been so fair for me. It sucks that at 21 I have to make decisions for others that only someone with kids of their own should have to deal with. Do I ditch two people to better the life of one and myself with the possibility of the two growing up and maturing? or do I continue the downward spiral of dependency so as to not risk the earning of hatred rained down upon me by both of them? I love my aunt and my sister but simply feel i can't live with and provide for them anymore. the stresses are too much. especially the ones that they put upon me voluntarily with their habits of sorts. i long though to have stability for me and my younger sister though esp since i am her guardian and have been for the past few years. true i never wished for my position it was just thrust upon me but i'm not angry at the world because of it. once maybe i might've been. not any more though. i too am able to grow up. i work for us, me and her. i work so she can go to school and succeed. so that she has enough to eat and the tools to get through life. true i'd rather be in school but i've come to be comfortable in my current post and know that life has saved the best for me if i wish to work for and seek it out. but right now it's all about her. i feel in order to acomplish this we have to move along from the other two. they are not horrible people nor are the completely uncapable of self sufficience. i just believe that it is time they try their hand at life in other ways then they have thus far. my aunt works, two jobs and should be fine. i worry about my other sister but i know she has places to go that would better her being. so both are not simply being just thrown to the side by me. i am just encouraging them to spread their wings. now you may wonder why i feel i have to explain myself every few minutes. well it's just that i still need to convince myself what i am doing is the right thing. although no thing is completely right or without fault i just want the choice that will make the most right without leaving the most important parts "wrong". oh so many decisions await me in the coming month i have already been feeling the stress. will hopefully know tomorrow where i will be living or not though. will feel great to get one off the list of many.
