Friday, January 18, 2008

worst episode ever




Okay so I'm checking my emails, which i'll admit i'm a couple of days behind on, and i see a forward from someone. First off forwards are okay if they are entertaining but if they're spam, religious, upsetting, or just poorly written me no likey. comprende? Anyways the forward I was about to read fell under the category of religion and upsetting but I didn't know that before I opened it had I of known I definetly would've deleted it. So not knowing what was ahead I opened it and after scrolling past all the numerous email address of the readers and senders before me I began to read said forward. It started off talking about god and jesus and how you shouldn't take their name in vain and stuff. Then it goes on to give examples which i'll paraphrase below.


"john lennon in a magazine interview said the beatles were bigger than jesus... a month later he was murdered"


"billy grahm paid a visit to marilyn monroe in her apartment to tell her about jesus. she told him i don't need your jesus.. a week later she was found dead in her apartment"


There was one about this reporter who said something about god and the next day she was burned beyond recognition in her automobile. There was another one about a girl who was going somewhere with her car load full of friends who either were drunk/had been drinking when her mom told her something along the lines of may god go with you and protect you to which the daughter replied "not unless god sits in the trunk because there's no room for him" or something like that and the car later got in a car wreck. the car was destroyed beyond recognition except the trunk that was in perfect condition. the cops said it was impossible for the trunk to be unharmed when the car had been destroyed so badly and when they opened the trunk there was egg which were in perfect, uncracked condition. The last one I read was about an entertainer from a different country who was bi-sexual and of course said something that "offended" god/jesus. It went on to tell that sometime after he said that he died horribly from AIDS. There were more but I was so disgusted and sick to my stomach I couldn't go on.


How could someone take the time to write up a forward that takes the tragic ending of each persons current life and turn it into a twisted bible lesson? To me this is the kind of thing that adults tell children to brainwash them into believing the person whom is supposed to be their lord/savior is a "boogie man" of sorts to fear for the punishment will result in an untimely realease from this life. You see this is the problem I have with people who preach their faiths upon others. Using fear tactics, especially ones that turn the dearly departed into evil people who got what was coming to them, is just... just... horrible and in this case disgusting. I hate that there's some who will say you can't love who you want because their version of jesus will disaprove and send you to a place of eternal pain and suffering. I hate that people will pull from the bible only the parts that pertain to the hatred of things unconventional/different/liberal or what have you and deny the parts that say jesus was a cool dude who loved everyone and if you do something that's wrong/sinfull you can just say my jesus do you forgive me he'd just be all "of course i forgive you cause i love you. if i didn't love you i wouldn't of died for your sins". you know he's supposed to be like that parent that tells you to be honest with them and they won't be mad and then when you are honest about what happened just want to make sure you're okay.

who knows though maybe i'm wrong. maybe i'm just an ignorant little buddhist who doesn't know a jesus from a jesus (pronounced hey-seuss) or maybe people are just forgetting what religions are for these days. they're not to scare kids into behaving. they're to give your life a kind of purpose or roadmap to help you get to where you're going... well at least that's what i think.

How will this story end?



Here at the hotel, on these long slow winter nights, I find myself with more alone time with my thoughts. sometimes it seems like the slightest sentence can bring inspiration for a slew of thoughts some good, some bad. Tonight it was this simple quote that brought me to blog:


"Who am I? And how, I wonder, will this story end?"


Simple. short. and yet so powerfull and all encompassing of the phase i feel i'm kinda in. is my life going down the path which will end happily ever after or am i doomed to feel like a to be continued or something worse and unhappily ever after? does this part of my life even figure into the grand scheme of things? all these thoughts, questions just rushing into my head after reading the first two sentences in a book?! it goes to show just how powerfull the written word can be to eyes that are reading and in the right mind to read them as they should be read. The next page goes on:


"My life? It isn't easy to explain. It has not been the rip-roaring spectacular I fancied it would be, but neither have I burrowed around with the gophers."


"I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough."


Now this part I can relate to bits and pieces of. My life or rather my beginnings haven't been anywhere easy to explain but it's gotten easier over the years. People are different and have changed but the scars of life still linger upon me from the wounds inflicted upon me long ago. Meaning I haven't forgotten my younger years but I have forgiven which makes it easier to talk about. My ife hasn't been in any way that I know of spectacular and so far I think I have "burrowed" a bit. I think in that respect I still have a lot of "wild oats" to sew and trouble to cause though hopefully not much. ^_^ I think I'm kind of special but I still have lots of special to unleash on the world for sure. I do think that the things I ponder in this blog may not be far from the thoughts on others some of which may even be my age. Sometimes I feel like such an old soul compare to those my age but i'm sure i'm not alone in that respect. I believe there are others out there. There are no monuments to the life i've led so far and I don't think I want any errected to me in the future. I have loved. Not in the sense of romance but in the sense of family & friends. I have yet to love someone in the romantic sense. Although I know that's true it's a tough sentence to write. To sit here and physically type to the world that you've never loved before is hard. I don't know why it's nothing to be ashamed of and yet... in a way i am. It's not that I don't want to find that other piece but I guess on my part I don't feel like i've looked nor been in that point of life where I'm ready. I still have to get used to the thought of me first I guess. I think for the most part I do love me but I also do believe I could use more work. Especially now. I feel like i'm in a funk. I've slept a little more than i'm proud of in the last week and i've been having problems with work but I think the problems are really internal. Now that i've admitted there's problem I guess I need to work on a plan to solve it. I guess i'll get back to you on that one.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Howdy Howdy Myspace Amigos (and other people who stumble in here)



Welcome to the new blog... okay well old if you look at the dates on the first couple of posts. I've decided to try and write more. In reaching my goal I realized i'm not really into myspace all that much anymore and facebook doesn't have a real blog feature. So here was my solution and since i'm always logged into my gmail on my laptop it's real easy to just click the link on my desktop and blog away. Another nice feature is that anyone can comment. You don't have to register or sign up just click on the "death threats" link at the bottom of each post and you can comment. easy quick simple. another thing to notice is i'm not big on capitals or other proper rules of english... except maybe spelling. this is so i can get my thoughts out without thinking too much about them. i just wanted a space where i could say what i want at that moment without too much trouble. well i guess that's it in a nutshell. enjoy or dislike or whatever. just read and reply if ya don't mind.

A

Monday, January 14, 2008

runaway runaway and say goodbye*


sometimes i think it's for the best that i don't drive. sometimes when life feels shitty or rough i feel like just escaping. with my personallity being so spur of the moment i think if i had a car i probably would disapear. not disapear in the sense that no one would no where i'm at all "runaway bride" crap. i mean come on how inconsiderate is a person who would have everyone who gives a damn about you worried that your dead in a ditch somewhere. of course i would call home and say hey i'm okay i just had to get away for a bit probably would even say where i'm at. my inspiration for this post came in the form of juno. it's 2am in the morn and i'm watching it at work and i see her just jump into a van and just escape from the problem brought up by the potential adoptees of her spawn. i thought how freeing and liberating would it be if i could just up and get away sometimes. just maybe drive to denver or something. i don't even have to have a destination really just some money and some wheels. just go and do what i want to do and not have to worry that the person with me doesn't approve or doesn't want to do what i feel like doing at that particular moment. hell i don't even have to stop anywhere. i could just drive in a big fucking circle if i so choose. just drive up to denver and then turn around and come back cause i'm a badass like that. my trip wouldn't need purpose or meaning. just the feeling of being free. i've always said to people who asked "how can you not drive" that you can't miss something you've never had. yeah i've never had a car and don't miss it... if that makes sense but at one time i had freedom. freedom to do whatever i want even though i've been to responsible to really run wild with it. then i had to take care of my sisters by stepping up and being the parent which is a role i'm still half in. don't get me wrong i'm not angry at the world or my parents. it's just sometimes i want to be the fuckup and not the responsible one. i know many kids my age can't relate to this as they've never had any real responsibility. most 22 year olds are in college or are finish up. they're going out on dates and getting hammered in bars. not me i'm at work dreaming the dreams of dreamers and watching the front desk. ah movies the windows to other lives that we wish we had.
*title of post comes from that old 90s song "runaway" by real mc coy. link goes to lyrics.